Lollipop: a Soap Opera

Over the past few weeks, another side of Annie has come to light. Another life, of which her parents were previously unaware, has been revealed. Annie only tells a little of the story at a time, so it has unfolded slowly.

Part I

As it turns out, Annie has two children. One is a little boy who is a purple giraffe, and the other is a little girl who is sometimes a mermaid and sometimes a little girl.

Annie’s husband, and the father of her children, left her because he fell in love with another lady. Unfortunately, that lady didn’t like him, so he wasn’t able to marry her or live with her. Instead, he went to the zoo. Then he came home and ate some cereal.

Annie didn’t mind that he came back to her. She knows he’ll never leave her for another lady again.

Annie’s husband’s transgressions are a hot topic with Annie’s mommy, who disagrees with Annie’s decision to take him back. Mommy does not believe that he has reformed, although Mommy has never met him and doesn’t know him the way Annie does.

At one point Mommy said to Annie, “He doesn’t deserve you! He’s not good enough for you!” to which Annie answered, “No no! I’m not good enough for him!”

Mommy was almost struck speechless with horror. But not totally speechless. As Annie knows, Mommy is rarely actually speechless.

Part II

Annie’s husband’s name is Cake Mermaid Pizzapeck Lollipop Cupcake. He likes to be called Pizzalot, for unclear reasons, but Annie calls him Lollipop. He doesn’t really like to be called Lollipop but Annie calls him that anyway. Luckily he has his own money, so he is not dependent on her, but she is financially responsible for their children when he is out gallivanting.

After Lollipop’s trip to the zoo, and after he came home and ate the cereal, he went on a long holiday to Australia. After that he plans to come back to her. She still plans to accept him back, because he said “sorry” twice, and because she knows he’ll never do it again. “He kind of loves me, and he kind of doesn’t love me, that’s how I feel right now,” Annie explained, as she ripped up a magazine into little bits to make money, which she planned to give her children.

“Why not find a different husband?” Mommy asked.

“I did,” Annie explained, in a shocking new wrinkle to the story. “But my children didn’t like him.”

“Why not?” Mommy asked, surprised.

“I don’t know!”

She then clarified that she had married this other man, but when her children didn’t like him, she had left him, and then found a third man, and married him instead. He has a very long orange beard. Apparently her children like this man better so she’s planning to keep him. “But they miss Lollipop,” she added, sadly.

“What’s going to happen when he comes back from Australia?” Mommy asked.

Annie is not certain. She is considering keeping both men around.

Part III

Lollipop has finally returned. He has not been welcomed back into Annie’s house, but rather, he is living at the stop sign across the street (it is not exactly clear where this is, as there aren’t any stop signs near Annie’s house in New Zealand). He previously spent some time in a hazy, ill-defined location between Rhode Island and New Zealand, with a stop in Connecticut to visit the grocery store, before he returned to New Zealand to find his former wife’s door barred against him. Annie will not comment on this reunion. All she will say is that when he asks to come in, she shuts the door against him. Although when it’s windy the door would blow open.

Lollipop apparently has found another lady. This is not the same lady for whom he left Annie. That lady rejected him. This is another lady altogether. She lives with him.

Part IV

It turns out that Lollipop is a police officer. He was not a police officer when Annie met and married him – at that time he was a tree chopper. It was after they had had their two children that he went to grown-up school, and learned to be a police officer.

Their two children were the mermaid and the giraffe (it turns out the giraffe’s name is Dover Cookie Penguin, which may be confusing as he is not a penguin, but Annie doesn’t care because she likes that name). But these children grew up, and Annie had two more children – two girls this time, Alice Olivia (nicknamed Sweetbud Alice) and Chandelier Angel. They are beautiful little girls. The mermaid and the giraffe have moved out, and so she just has her two girls living with her right now.

And then, after Lollipop became a police officer, Annie’s two girls bumped their heads and had sad thoughts. And then Annie went and became a firefighter. She also works as a doctor. Here is a story of when she was working as a firefighter:

There was a stage, and there were two 3-year-olds and a 4-year-old, who were dancing on the stage. There was a fire, and the children got hurt. One got her throat hurt, and one got her eyes hurt, and one got her nose hurt. The one with the hurt nose had blood coming out of her nose. The one with the hurt eyes (this was the 4-year-old) had green stuff coming out of one of her eyes. It dripped down her face and into the mud. It was green blood. The one with the throat that was hurt had blue blood coming out of a hole in her neck.

Annie drove the fire truck very quickly to get to the fire. The little girls had to go to the doctor’s office. Annie wasn’t the doctor taking care of them. But the doctor fixed them.

Part V

In a final twist, it turns out that Lollipop never said his wedding vows, the day of their wedding. The priest asked Annie if she would love him forever and ever, and Annie pledged her love to him. But when the priest asked Lollipop the same questions, he just closed his mouth and turned his head away. Mommy said that Lollipop was a jerk. Annie is more circumspect. She will always have a tender place in her heart for him, even if her door is shut to him.

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